And I Get Back Up

Back in the Saddle


I fell off the proverbial horse. I relapsed in confidence. I back-tracked into self-doubt. I am an easy target for my bullshit and have been my own worst enemy my entire life. But this struggle I conquered. I have. And I refuse to stay stuck in this wake of comparison!

I am fallible. A newcomer to genuine self-love. Each day I remind myself that I am worthy but some days, I fail miserably. I am prone to comparison yet deep down I know I am unique. No better or no less than anyone else. However, this massive feat I wrestled to overcome sometimes rears its ugly head and gets the best of me. Fortunately, I can see it for what it is but it isn’t always transparent.

Recently I got down on myself for not generating an income with my blog. I went as far as to label it hobby blog as though that is a tragedy. It isn’t and I do apologize if I offended anyone who runs one. I am fully aware of why I do not generate an income. And I am ok with the obvious, most days. I regret having published a post that seemed ungrateful. That is the furthest from the truth but sadly my fears blinded me from those truths.

I am super proud of my little space on the internet. It’s mine. I am a self-taught blogger who despite my low self-esteem is impressed that I have almost five years of blogging under my belt. Sure, I’ve ventured into territories that were too big for my britches but I didn’t quit. I’ve changed things up a few times. Doing so taught me valuable lessons. My blog makes me feel brave in many ways. And pride on most days.

A girl graphic Revenge of Eve

It is of utmost importance that I recognize my setback so that I can move on. I continue to battle with perfectionism although I know such doesn’t exist. These old pesky ways dominated me for nearly 42 years and the grip is unrelenting yet once I become aware I am hostage, I can loosen the grip with gentleness.

For days following my post, I beat myself up. How could I be so ungrateful when the opposite is true? How did it slip through my radar? The how’s and why’s flooded my days until I acknowledged it as a mistake. A simple mistake. A setback in my recovery. That’s all. Nothing irreversible, permanent, or damaging, although it may have caused a few readers to question why they bother reading my posts 😒

I wasn’t sure how to approach the situation. I wanted to offer an apology to my readers for sounding ungrateful but that didn’t feel right. So I went with my gut and I showed up just as you’ve read; authentic. More importantly, with compassion for myself. I am learning. Like a newborn learning to crawl, I am loving myself, accepting my shortcomings, and putting one knee in front of the other.

I send tons of love out to every one of you who reads this. I love me too. Lots I attribute to learning from you. If you have been around here for a while, thank you for seeing me through. And if you are new, welcome to my humble, intimate space. Thanks for the support along this journey life I find myself on ❤️


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5 Replies to “And I Get Back Up”

  1. I think it’s a very good thing that you’re still here and still being your authentic self.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. joyroses13 says:

    There is nothing that compares to being authentic! An original is worth far more than a copy! ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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