Here I Go…

Come on Already

Having felt some type of way before Christmas, I can say that I feel much worse today. My frustrations are amplified by lower back pain. Add to that, work. I am over the damn holidays. Maybe this can be attributed to hormones as well. I don’t know. But isn’t it easy to have something to blame when you aren’t feeling up to par?

I work at a 24-hour restaurant where you could say the occasional drunk likes to visit. I am fortunate enough to not have to deal with many as I get off at 9 pm but it is New Year’s Eve and I expect to run into a few. One may assume that because I was a bartender for 22 years that I am accustomed to the crowd that is…well, obnoxious. And I am or I was. Today doesn’t seem to be tolerable for me. I want to call out. My back is jammed and I can barely move without sharp pain taking my breath away. But calling out would mean losing my job or going to the doctor for an excuse which may need to happen considering my level of pain. However, I tell myself to push through.

I am ready for day-to-day life to be back to normal. Or should I say our new normal? I’ve adjusted well to a slower pace. Perhaps that is why the holidays have exhausted me. The hurried frenzy to buy, wrap, prepare, give, cook…sheesh!! Typing it wore me out. Maybe I am being overdramatic. That’s a possibility too except not about the pain I am experiencing.

I ask myself if this is worth publishing and if I am being honest, no. The only purpose it serves is my venting. It may validate someone who is feeling as crappy as me but I doubt it. If anything I sound like a whiney hiney. I need some pep in my step because no amount of bitching stops the clock. I soon have to be of service to hungry customers who don’t give a damn if I am in pain, rightfully so. I should have called out yesterday for today’s shift and taken my ass to the doctor. But I didn’t and I have no one or nothing other than myself to blame.

It’s days like today I wish I followed through with my disability case. I keep telling myself to call and check the status but I haven’t. Meh. And blah. And whaaaaa!! 😂 okay, I feel a little better. Off to work I go!


Funny story: tomorrow is New Year’s Eve 😩

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