Just Like That

Lighter than a Feather

Sometimes it’s as simple as getting something off your chest that opens up space for better things to enter. I feel that today. Yesterday I was able to push past fear and the result was immediate. Like letting go of a balloon, I let go of the pain I have begrudgingly carried for 17 fuck’n years.

I realize I do not have to carry that kinda weight. Sometimes we just have to accept certain situations for what they are meant to be.

Life takes care of the rest.

It’s moments like this where the universe is nudging me in the right direction that I used to ignore. I knew 2019 was going to bring change. I wasn’t expecting it to be only 4 days in. Normally I want an answer but today it’s ok to not know and its ok it took me so long.

The relationships (2) that I have let go of have reached their expiration date. I am taking the lessons I learned from the two of them and moving into the next chapter of my life. No doubt in my mind they will forever hold a piece of my heart but I no longer allow them to negatively affect me. What was once thought of as lifetime friendships, has come to an end…


I feel a true joy that doesn’t come naturally to me and dare I say I think this is what proud feels like. I also decided there is no reason to waste my time with someone I know is no good for me. Blocking that number added to my sense of liberation. No need to be tempted. With him, I was able to see an unhealthy pattern that I have repeatedly ignored about myself until now.

Learning about myself doesn’t have to be difficult. If I take it all at face value it is simplistic. Stepping out of my own way may become a trend in my life. “It is what it is”, a common phrase that is used, sums it up. Things are the way they are without explanation or reason.

When I sat back in silence and allowed myself to fully feel what has happened I literally sighed relief. I evaluated the possible answers for why I would hold onto something that brought me pain and the only answer I came up with was the fear of losing our friendship. Although we have been estranged going on three years, I have only recently mourned the loss of our close relationship and this finalized it. Maybe that is what brought such relief. The ends were finally tied and burned.

I try not to discuss in depth the circumstances surrounding my child. One because of shame; I am an alcoholic mother and the stigma attached to that is enough to make someone take their life, and two not to give a one-sided perspective. The friendship I have discussed today is the one I had with her father and the pain of him cheating on me, while I was pregnant, is what I have carried. My father disowned me because my child is biracial and in the moments of hearing him say, ” I am mentally prepared to spend the rest of my life in prison for the death of you and your unborn child”, I felt secure because of Kid’s father….until I was told he was cheating on me. My world was shattered, to say the least.

Many years have lapsed and life has treated us kind as parents. He is a great dad and that’s all I need from him. Despite his opinion today, he and I raised an amazing young lady to the best of our ability. We were young, selfish, and wild but our child never went without. She was taught respect, morals, self-love, compassion, and most importantly she knows she is loved.

Funny thing is I feared him finding out about my blog and little did I know he is a fan… he didn’t use those exact words but he did say he has read all of my posts and if I’d say so myself, that’s a fan (he told me I need to get a life, ppsst) 😉 Hi Anthony, Hello Sam.

Life is opening up for me and I for it. I want to step out from behind the curtains and not be ashamed for who I am. I am becoming and that is a beautiful thing. I owe it all to my beautiful, talented, rotten, sassy, smart mouth daughter. She has taught me what unconditional love is. Seeing her love herself is the most inspirational display of courage I have ever seen. She isn’t afraid to talk about her feelings, she doesn’t sweep them aside. She stands up for herself if someone has crossed her boundaries and she forgives wholly. In my eyes, she is the epitome of perfection in its rarest form here on earth. She is balanced and rounded at the same time. Not only does she know her limits, but she also respects them. I speak highly of her not because she is my child but because she is my most influential teacher. All too often when others meet her they want to give all the credit to me and her father but I won’t accept that. She is an observer and with her little eyes has formed her own opinion and character and I couldn’t be more proud. I only hope to become half the woman she will be.

Candace Lynne - Revenge of Eve

16 Replies to “Just Like That”

  1. ashleyleia says:

    I’m glad you’ve been able to truly find closure.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I guess because they are working on the editor I didn’t receive a slew of comments. It also deleted the short version of my life story, From Alcoholic to Bipolar to Blogger. I am lucky to have it in my trash can. One version of it. I would’ve been pissed had I not. Anyway… it really does feel like a weight has been lifted. I have had a smile on my face for 2 whole days, a natural smile, not forced.

      Liked by 1 person

      • ashleyleia says:

        Oh that’s annoying that WordPress is causing problems. Somehow I’ve been able to escape so far from being forced over to the new editor.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Well, I went ahead and initiated the switch myself and it isn’t bad. The only thing is the app on my phone doesn’t have it, therefore, creating a shit storm when I pull things up that I had typed from my phone. Yesterday was the first time I experience a problem

          Liked by 2 people

  2. Here’s to forgiving, healing, and growing—yes! I resonate with you on some of what you’ve experienced. Through the harrowing years, I love what you’ve come to know about your daughter. So beautiful! ❤️🦋🌀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. easetheride says:

    I love that you’ve shared this; moving on from relationships that have reached a natural conclusion can feel impossible. Yet here you are, doing something very brave. Good for you, I hope things continue to feel positive and hopeful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I’m figuring out that holding on to the pain is toxic. You would think I would know that by now but when I equate pain with love I suppose it makes sense. I am so ready to learn about how love is supposed to feel.


  4. Closure is a key to moving forward and releasing all the negativity that held you down. Finding out who we truly are can be such an enlightening experience. I’m proud of you! 💗

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Candice says:

    It took me a long time to remove the stigma from my mind that my parents had planted there. I was pregnant before being married, which was a disgrace to them. They also considered me lazy. I knew that I’d made mistakes in my life, but I came to the conclusion, after several years, that their opinion of me didn’t define me, and that realization healed my inner self.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. joyroses13 says:

    ❤ this!
    So happy for you to find peace in letting go and Oh yes,our children can teach us so much!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Chel Owens says:

    You silly. She’s half you. Clearly, she learned some things from her mother. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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