Now that I titled my post Discipline, it is imperative that I acknowledge this as exactly what I lack. Have always lacked. There. I said it. Ugh!! *as I air kick – my infamous brat gesture*
The concept of discipline, I understand. The results, rewarding. I get it. Decades ago, prior to the birth of my child and until she was 10 (she turns 19 in February), I were regimented. From fourth grade and throughout my first three years of college, I trained in dance. I received a, paid in full tuition; including books, scholarship. So … I am familiar with adhering to a strict schedule.
In February of 2002, I traded in my dance shoes for mom sandels. Instinctively, I knew the importance routine plays, in the life of a child. I found our groove and we stuck to it until my “functional” addiction broke loose and wrecked havoc on our robotic life. The last shred of disciplined evidence can be traced back to 2012-2013, thanks to my one year stint(s) in and out of inpatient rehab *sigh*.
The difference between then and now is motivation. Dance was introduced at such a young age that I considered it part of my life. I belonged to competition teams therein lie the motivator. Free college for doing what I love?!?! Sure. Motivation. Then of course, my daughter. Someone who relied on me for everything. I wouldn’t change it for the world, although, short lived.
I find myself in a which came first scenerio; the chicken or the egg? Is motivation a requirement for discipline or are the results of discipline the motivator?
I try to wrap my mind around forcing myself to do something when I do not want to but dare I say that ship sunk to the ocean floor? My only child works two jobs (her choice and strongly discouraged against), attends college full time and my dancing days, I save for my living room. Self-motivated isn’t an adjective I use to describe myself.
Same Problem Everyday
Once again my problem is solved with the ever elusive balance many obtain and I seek. Psst. Like … Whatever! 😬
… Nonetheless persistence prevails a priceless achievement!! I bet you never guessed I would conclude with an accomplishment, did ya?!?! Well surprise, surprise! After a solid year of organizing, reorganizing, combining, avoiding, stashing, and trashing, I have finally created an inspiring, orderly home studio!!! My most proud aspect is the probability for productivity. The set up is actually that; a purposeful arrangement.
By no means is it easy to conquer a room dominated by paper, stocked to the brim with the necessary tools to operate an at home craft business but … I did it!!
My accumulation of tools and supplies piled on layers to a sense of defeat that encompassed me yet without a systematic approach, I am doomed to flop. So … I constructed a plan, kept it to myself despite how it appeared and I began.
I quit adding to my stash and began collecting organization containers that suited my needs. While I had plenty of Instagram worthy display containers, I fell short on shelving. By the same token, glass isn’t what I consider to be functional, in terms of stow away organization. Easy on the eyes, yes, but limited on actual storage of.
Begin with what you know!
By beginning with the knowledge that I require a few sizable containers, for 12×12 papers as well as vintage magazines which are taller yet more narrow, I established a starting point.
The flat storage containers that slide under the bed made the cut. I purchased four of this style with the handle clasp lid closure. Savings tip: Purchase containers in this size in August. It is the time of year for sending young adults off to college and all of the sturdy Rubbermaid products go on sale. You’re welcome 🤭
Staying with my black and white asthetic, I took advantage of this yearly sale (the cash in my pocket helped) and purchased two large file baskets. They are plastic and sturdy for $6.00 (each). FYI: I am a budget shopper, however, I do not sacrifice quality where it is necessary.
Learning to be gentle with myself
This gave me the momentum to begin. Then I hit a mental road block. Complete and utter overwhelm. I couldn’t enter the room. By this point I felt ungrateful and consumed with self-doubt for not being able to create amongst the chaos that was. After several failed attempts, I called in backup aka my Ma ❤️ She came through like a sargent. She knows how to handle me 😂😳. I “yes ma’am” -d my way through for the sake of my sanity and dignity. I’ll be the first to admit that I need help every so often and maybe I need it more often than others and that is okay. Progress is progress.
Over months time I purchased small, medium, and large clear plastic refrigerator trays, ten in total. Every so often I would purchase one or two while on sale at the dollar store or grab some when I had a few extra dollars from Walmart. They make perfect project bins. My final purchases came from the Dollar Tree. These were spontaneous purchases. The style and size are perfect but the quality lacks. My vision was to store 6×6 paper pads and small cardstock. The design aspect that appeals to me is the carrying capability which these totes offer, however, they are more suitable for lightweight items. I adore the concept and the price point, unbeatable. I will utilize them just not how I imagined.
Moral of the Story
I am super proud of myself for tackling this feat. Could it have been accomplished in less than a year? Sure. But I doubt to my satisfaction.
Life in 2020 changed me. I will say for the better. It exposed my ugly. It strengthened my soul. A gentle side resurfaced. A part of me I wasn’t sure I’d ever reach again. The results being a more forgiving version of myself. This post is proof. Forgiveness is about oneself. It is easy, habitual realistically, for me to be extra critical on myself. But today, I am mindful that I too deserve forgiveness.
Personal insight alert
Roughly 14 years ago I got a tattoo on my left collar bone. It is backwards so it reads correctly in the mirror. It says forgive. I would be lying if I said I see it or if I knew the weight of it’s positioning, meaning, and depth when I got it. Ironic? Perhaps not.