Life Goes On
Hey, hayyyy y’all! Whaddup? Welp..a lot here. A lot of bullshit I’m weeding out.my.life! But as they say: Life=Lessons…that is if you are bold enough to pay attention. I’m realizing not too many people are. But… Enough about them, let’s talk about me 🙂
What I See
I have started to accept my reality a little more each day. From that I see, the things I try to fix in others are things I need to fix within me. Because I invest my precious time in those who don’t get a fuck about me and my bad on me. But what people fail to understand is that I can’t change those parts of me. I refuse to stop wanting to nurture and speak freely about deserving to be loved as each of us are. But yet it seem so hard for others to just allow me to be.
They judge and shame and claim I am insane. The thing is, I am honest about my shortcomings and in me, they see their truth so of course, they don’t like the reflection they see. I have reached the point to where I am moving on toward really accepting the shadow side of me because that’s all I see myself surrounded by and so a reflection of what lies beneath.
I’ve decided I will no longer cater to be what others need me to be. Instead, I am changing my position in life. I quit my job two weeks ago Sunday. Yesterday, I was hired at a bar and what I can appreciate is that the owner has our backs. It’s a busy establishment and has a long withstanding in our local community. They are so successful in fact they have three different locations.
I have a book order that has required a lot of time and I am amazed how involved the customer is. It has been a wonderful two weeks not having to be surrounded by people who create drama to make themselves relevant in your life. My anxiety has reduced significantly and I am on to greener pastures.
Things are shifting in my life and I choose to focus on the good rather the negative. I am not claiming all days to be roses and fireflies but these last two weeks I’ve noticed a change in myself. I am doing my best to take life moment by moment and to focus on the things that matter most. I am learning what it means to put myself first and make my mental stability my only priority. In therapy, we now have somewhat of an outline of how to approach me and how I process things. This week we began targeting my trauma. I have homework to complete for us to review next week and having a guide helps me to condense all of the overwhelming events that can clog my mental space if I allow them too.
A bright future
I’m not one to claim success before it’s time but I decided to start giving it a try. Without any strict deadlines or due dates, my monthly goals consist of paying my bills on time and paying off debt. There is more to the story but it wouldn’t be like me to spill the beans all at once. Now that I am moving beyond the opinions of others, you may be shocked at the other area of interest in my life but I’m not ready for the opinions of others as far as that is concerned and so with me, it remains.
I must admit, I have missed connecting with y’all but stepping away from the internet has freed up time for me to do other things. If you have followed Revenge of Eve for any length of time you know I am OCD and although I work hard not to become consumed, it is not me who is in control. Blogging, learning about blogging, and learning to create journals became an obsession for a period of time and as the story goes, things that we obsess over can quickly take an unhealthy turn. My minds capacity for absorbing knowledge was at its max and my need for interaction crossed paths at the perfect time. I more or less let go and picked up and kept moving without significant dread toward my decision to step away. Y’all stay a constant in my heart and your words of encouragement stay at the forefront of my mind. I haven’t a clue when I will return but undoubtedly, I shall return. Who knows, I may let you in on my little secret!! Stay tuned🙂