And while this transition may be painful I’ve realized where the struggle lies. I am letting go of the me I built to protect myself, the only me I know. I am learning to control myself. Not the things around me.

Call it 40, or whatever you’d like but I know for me, it’s awkward as fuck. I don’t know if you realize what I just said in that first paragraph but that shit is A LOT for me.!.!!!.!

I am ashamed to be myself and that is the damage done by my father wanting me to be someone I’m not. These revelations are coming to me in waves. And guess what?? I’m not drowning. Maybe I’m floating but so what, I’m aware, learning, growing and giving. I don’t want to resort to being a cold-hearted bitch because that’s not me so I’ve decided to do for those who are unable to do for themselves. Help them to believe in themselves. Give those a chance that others dispose of. I will prevail from this darkness a stronger person than I went in and when I do, I will be ready to be used as the vessel I chose to be.

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For the record, I didn’t feel like that was me speaking but with confidence I publish this post. Not as a warning but as a prediction.

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