Today I was on the verge.
The verge of suicide.
I wrote my note.
I looked for the gun –
It wasn’t there.
I’ll never know.
It was the calmest I’ve been in a while and even I commented such, out loud.
My guardians, I called upon.
One by name.
A decision was made
No bother to reach out.
Attention is all that would stand to gain.
I sent my I Love You’s to the four that matter.
“None of this fuck’n matters“
Replays over and over in my head.
The realization that I’ve played a role, one assigned to me, is a harsh reality.
Why wouldn’t they give me a glamorous one?
There is no time for blame.
Ironically, those who ask
are the ones that aren’t ready to see their part in your shame.
Expectations to be a no-body carries a weight.
One that I must shake,
For my life is at stake.