For no reason at all…
I am complete blah when it comes to anything blog related. Certainly, I’m not alone as I am sure this occurs from time to time. It’s possible that I have too much on my plate or because I am working two jobs again… But I can make any excuse. The reality is I am not feel’n it right now.
I know this is just a phase because my love of writing combined with my need for connection overrides any thoughts of stopping. In fact that never crossed my mind.
If you have followed me for any amount of time, I am sure you have noticed my lack of commitment recently. If you haven’t, it has been on a decline for at least a month. If I really think about it, I lost my momentum after making the decision to stop NYAC. I’ve briefly felt this way before and I hope to regain interest soon but for now, I am just coasting.
I didn’t even open my laptop until 1 a.m.!! I went for almost 24 hours without checking WordPress or reading any post. I believe that is a first since I began blogging. It is times like this that make the decision to go self-hosted difficult.
Some people will tell you that self-hosted is cheaper and way better but after your first year your hosting fee per month doubles if not triples, that does not include the good plug-ins that help operate the backend of your blog, or newer-up-to-date themes. I was told by another blogger that on average if you want to have a successful site, it costs around $500 a year.
If I invested that each year, there would be no breaks nor would I feel ok with taking a step back. You aren’t guaranteed any income and if you don’t get a lot of traffic, you won’t make money.
I’ve had so much going through my head. I have been manic, off and on, for about 4 months now and I fear a gigantic crash. For some reason, my depression happens more so in the summer months than the other times of the year. That’s odd because I love sunshine but maybe it is the heat that does it to me. Idk but I do know I do not want to fall too far from where I am. Such is my reality.
It is this blah-ness towards blogging that has me fearing a fall. I know many of you will suggest medication and I am not against medication, I’m just not ready to get back on ’em so basically, I get what I deserve…
Moving past that, work has been slow and money isn’t what it needs to be. Actually, I am sure that is contributing to why I feel this way and it bothers me that my emotions are attached to monetary gain. I wish I lived in a world where being a good person meant you had no worries.
Looking at my current status as a whole I come to the conclusion that something has to change. The podcasts I listen to are having an enormous impact on me and I know this discomfort has to do with something I am ignoring and until it gains my attention or I seek it, I will remain dissatisfied. It sucks knowing that all of my problems are me. Because of me. That’s it.
Instead of whining about it I will do as suggested and ground myself. Be present – which is so freak’n hard by the way. This human condition is for the birds!!
Much love from me to you!