When I hear the word purpose, I associate it with an action. I believe to find one’s purpose is to be of assistance to another albeit mentally, emotionally, physically, or financially. In search of myself, I have made it my purpose to open up to the possibilities of who I am and will become.
This for me means trusting energy. Accepting I have a gifted sense of energy that surrounds me. In order for me to be of service to others, it is vital that I tap into ways of surpassing fear. Having such a gift can be controversial to some yet healing and helpful for others. Right now my purpose sits in solitude waiting for my approval and daily I am witness to this charming gift. Theses energies fill a space in my body.
Sensorly, particular areas will heighten in the presence of certain energies and some are subtle nudges that say in a meek tone, I’m here. Sometimes it is a feeling and other times it comes to me in words.
I am learning what these energies represent. They all show up different. From an extremely young age, I’ve known when I am in the presence of a molester or woman abuser (I was able to identify the energy when I was in high school). The way they transmit their energy feels to same to me. Believe me when I say, they know I know.
Talking about this is scary and I can see why I wanted to drown it with the bottle or numb it with other substances. Like mental illness, describing it is an uphill battle and one not socially accepted therefore creating an ignorance.
A few days ago I commented on the energy of two girls. I didn’t want to offend them because they both already know how I feel about them and although I pointed out the shift, I didn’t tell them I have finally concluded what that exact energy represents. It’s shadiness. You know like a snake. Sneaky. It has a few names but it feels the same. A dead heavy weight felt in my stomach and like a ball in my throat.
At the moment I felt this, it was almost as everything stopped and was in slow motion. Kind of like giving me time to process and associate. And then as though someone had hit the rewind button we were all standing there. All I could say was…whoa. Did y’all feel that?
Undoubtedly, this is something I rarely discuss and doing so leaves me vulnerable and questioning if I am doing the right thing. No, I am not manic, no I am not drunk and yes I am nervous sharing this with my readers. Personally, I believe each of us is gifted in the sense of feeling surrounding energy but the way we process it is different. Some chose to ignore it altogether and I can’t blame them. For myself, it’s too much to let slide.
Accepting this as a part of who I am isn’t a recent phenomenon. I have done everything in my wheelhouse, unhealthy and healthy, to prevent myself from these feelings. I have opened up about this more in the last year with those closest to me. To them, this is another part of my weirdness. But it is more than a part of who I am. It is the part I have mostly tried to hide, drown and bury.
A lot of these attribute to being an empath as does the draining I experience in large crowds and the required solitude. Is it possible all empath’s are energy sensitive?
Please don’t read this and run for the hills. I am not changing my blog’s focus to crystal healing and contacting spirits but what I am doing is following a path that has seemed to be beaten down right before my very eyes. Each day that I have allowed myself to be receptive, I have received valuable insight into who I am and why I do or have done the things I’ve done.
Before I would not see the correlation rather internally fall to the belief that I am inherently bad or a mistake. I am not finding excuses, I am finding patterns and habits that with time and dedication can be unlearned and broken.
I have been given fresh eyes to see a tattered story that was fueled by fear and lies. One day at a time, I will continue along this journey, keeping it simple and allowing myself to be open to the direction I am taken in. Without resistance.